Adopting in Berkshire — Greta and Johan's story

Hi, we're Greta and Johan. We moved to Berkshire last year from East London, but our journey to becoming a family started long before we settled here.

How it all began

We met on a blind date in Germany. Neither of us were quite sure what to expect, but we hit it off immediately. We both worked in the tech sector and quickly discovered how much we enjoyed spending time together. After a couple of years, work took us to Sweden, where we built our early life as a couple. Eventually a new opportunity brought us to London, where we lived for four years. During the lockdown we moved to Berkshire.

Like many couples, we always pictured children in our future. We started trying to conceive not long after getting married. At first we were hopeful. But after our first miscarriage, we became cautious. Then a second loss came, and a third followed. Each one brought heartbreak and increasing worry. We underwent countless tests, but the doctors were never able to give us a clear explanation for why we kept losing pregnancies.

The emotional toll was immense. The repeated cycles of hope and grief affected our health, both physically and mentally. After much soul-searching, we reached a point where we knew we couldn't continue down the same path. We still wanted to be parents — but we realised that getting there was proving too hard. We needed time to take the pressure off.

Greta took a short sabbatical from work, mainly for her health. No work goals, no family goals — just to get to a more positive place. We heard about UK adoption from a colleague who was returning from adoption leave the week before.

The decision

The idea of adoption grew slowly but steadily. We read everything we could find online — blogs, forums, podcasts. Much of what we found was daunting, with stories focusing on challenges and difficulties. But we also found stories of hope and resilience, and they gave us courage. A school friend had adopted from overseas in Sweden and we looked into international adoption, but it was problematic for us to adopt in either Germany or Sweden because we no longer lived there. The court system for children in care is also different. International adoption takes several years.

A weekend at a wedding became a turning point. We loved wild swimming, and after a lakeside swim we talked openly about our dreams for the future. We both agreed that adoption could give us the family life we longed for.

Finding the right agency

We started by looking at our local authority but quickly discovered there were long waiting times even to attend an information session. The message felt discouraging: too many adopters, not enough children. Other London families on the forums said the same.

We then researched independent agencies and came across Jigsaw Adoption. From the first moment we explored their website, we felt something click. The tone felt warm and personal. We reached out, and within a couple of days we had a one-to-one video call arranged.

The conversation was open and honest. We worked out it was a bit of an interview, but it didn't feel like we were being interviewed. Khalida explained the process clearly and what kind of support was available. She also put together a separate plan for the information we'd need from our time outside the UK, for the state authorities.

“It was reassuring to hear straight answers — without sugar-coats, but also without unnecessary gloom.”

We decided to proceed with Jigsaw.

The assessment

We had heard stories about how crazy and bureaucratic assessments could be. But in reality, we found the process nothing more than detailed and thorough. Having been through so much already with our fertility journey, we expected something difficult to throw us off balance. It didn't. The Adopter App made Stage 1 simple for us. Stage 2 was more detailed, with weekly meetings with our social worker.

Greta, a programme manager, handled most of the forms, while Johan took care of the other stuff — the research, the medical appointments, getting our referees on board, some of them outside the UK.

The hardest conversations were with our parents. They weren't initially on board with our plans, because we lived in a different country to them. They knew people who had adopted children where things hadn't worked out. Our social worker approached this topic with great care and empathy. We arranged a video meeting for friends and family about support. It helped our parents understand more about adoption in the UK, and helped them support our plans.

We also attended preparation groups alongside other prospective adopters. Our training specialist made what could have been an overwhelming experience feel informative and engaging. We learned about early trauma in infants, how attachment works, and why all of this matters so much for adopters.

By the end of the training, we had not only gained knowledge but had also built friendships with others going through the same journey.

Panel day

When the day of the approval panel arrived, we were nervous. It felt strange to have strangers read the intimate details of our lives. The panel members were welcoming and thoughtful in their questions. They weren't trying to catch us out — they wanted to understand what we had going on. We received our approval letter while we were out in Greenwich Park. We celebrated and watched the sunset together, a real Instagram moment. We held hands and felt that, at last, our dream was becoming real.

Matching

All the advice online cautioned us about the matching phase. It could be the most challenging part of the journey, and even after getting this far, there's still a chance you don't succeed. Many people get approved and then, for some reason, no match comes. The caution returned, but we were still excited.

We saw our first profile and felt confused — we'd thought we would just say yes immediately. There were two boys, aged 18 months and 4 years. Their foster carer described them as beautiful fireballs of energy. We watched videos of them splashing in puddles and playing dinosaurs. Something inside us both said yes.

We questioned whether we were just saying yes because it was the first one — maybe we were scared of failure. But we liked the profile, and it would have been silly not to find out more. We kept thinking we had to be positive, and it would all work out. That way of approaching difficulties had got us this far.

The introductions were carefully planned over a month. We started with short visits, reading the boys stories and playing with building blocks at their foster carer's home. We brought the same soft toys — a little bear each — every time, to create a familiar link. Slowly we saw the relationship developing. We had two weeks of more intense periods caring for them. On the thirteenth day, the foster carer brought the boys home to us.

The first weeks

Those first few weeks were intense, for the boys and practically for us. The routine of meals, naps, and bedtime helped things settle. The support from Jigsaw and the foster carer was invaluable — we could call or text at any time with questions or worries, and knowing we weren't alone made a huge difference. We used nap time to spend one-on-one time with our older son, because we knew he had been in care for longer.

The bond deepens every week. We now have our adoption order from the county family court.

Life today

It's been nearly a year since our sons joined our family. They love exploring the local parks, riding the balance bike and the scooter. They both love helping Greta bake biscuits (mainly by eating the dough). Other things have adjusted — Johan's wild swimming is now at a pool, so the boys can enjoy being in the water. He takes our elder son cycling in the morning before school. As a family we've discovered ways of channelling all the energy the boys have. We do a lot of Lego, a lot of ball games, and RugbyTots is next on the horizon.

“Looking back, the pain and setbacks we faced have made our joy all the more precious. We cannot imagine life without them. Adoption made us into parents. It made us a family.”

For anyone thinking about it

If you're reading this and wondering whether adoption could be the right path for you, we would say: take it one step at a time. Trust yourselves and believe you can do this. Find an agency you can trust. There will be moments of doubt — all parents have those. There will also be moments of immense joy that make it all worthwhile.

For us, Jigsaw provided the guidance and care we needed. We are forever grateful to them for helping us become the family we longed to be.

Greta and Johan are based in Berkshire and worked with Jigsaw's Thames Valley team. Read more about adoption in the Thames Valley.